I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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