This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
