you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
