just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
