he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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