i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
