oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
