I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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