I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
