I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize