Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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