I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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