Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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