oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
