I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
