Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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