I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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