I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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