i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I know her cup size but not her name....
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