Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
