How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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