ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
