My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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