it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
