Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
