Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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