Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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