woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
