We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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