Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
