there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My liver just broke up with me...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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