you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Mom said you looked used
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
