Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
