Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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