It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
