I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
operation harelip BJ is a go
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
