I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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