maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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