That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
