Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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