So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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