Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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