Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My life is pants optional.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
