If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
