I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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