I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
