He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
