Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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