i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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