At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
