perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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