Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
