If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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