hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
