i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
