God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
