The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's shark week go big or go home
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
