a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
