I'm jealous of your bromance
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize