she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
