Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
