Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
