i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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