This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
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