I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize