If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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