apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
