i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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