If i come over, it means nothing
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
