Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
