did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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