let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
