Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
