we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
