Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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