ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
