I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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