im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
