Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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