All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
