just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I want her autograph on my taint
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize