The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
