I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
