So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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