It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
