the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
