If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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