If i come over, it means nothing
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
