I accidentally had phone sex last night
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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