Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she smelled like a LAN party
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
