people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
