quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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