I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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