After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
