i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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