Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
actually, I'm a sock model
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
