True but thats because hes a fetus.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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